When a man makes eye contact, do you immediately look away?

If you like someone, do you have a hard time showing it?

My worst flirting experiences were as a teenager.

There was the time I accidentally spit my gum on the boy I was dancing with in gym class in middle school…(we had to learn ballroom dancing)

And the time I rollerbladed to the corner store and bought laffy taffy from the handsome cashier…(only to be teased forever by my girlfriend who witnessed the whole thing)

Plus the time I told a boy Josh that I had a crush on him, standing next to our lockers, and he just stood there…(literally without saying a word, until I just walked away).

The good news is that flirting is a lot easier now than in middle school. Thank God!

The bad news is that it can still be awkward, whether in person or online.

Mainly because the more we think we like someone, the more goofy we often get…

we stumble on our words, we struggle to maintain eye contact, or we feel ashamed for getting caught staring.

Flirting is the first step in meeting

The first spark of chemistry…

A feeling, a laugh, the way he walks in the room, the way he carries his briefcase, the way he looks at you.

Entire books are written about the first encounter.

Sigh! 🙂

But if you aren’t comfortable flirting it can be a big challenge.

You might feel tempted to do all your dating online, just to avoid this part of the process and skip to the date.

Which, if online dating were more effective, wouldn’t be a bad approach.

However, less than 20% of relationships start online…

So if you want to find a relationship instead of go-nowhere dates, you need to learn how to flirt effectively, in person.

My clients either know how to flirt but get told they’re intimidating…

Or they have no clue how many men are dying to flirt with them, they just can’t read the signs or keep the connection going.

Ladies, men want to make you happy, they want to make you laugh, and they want to flirt with you…

But they want you to help them make it easy and fun.

Men often times are going through an internal analysis something like…

First, receptivity — is she receptive to my approach? Does she look open or guarded? Is she talking to other people or just looking on her phone? Is there even physical space for me to come up to her? Has she noticed me staring at her and returned my gaze?

Second, interaction — can we make this a game? A back and forth? Does she respond to me in a way that honors me? Or will she shut me down? Will she laugh at my jokes? Or will she think I’m stupid? What if I forget what to say?

Third, decision time — do I go for it? Or not? What is there to lose? What is there to gain? How much of my energy is required? Is the moment slipping away? Ahhh!

A little respect, compassion, and openness go a long way from you.

Which mean you need to heal from the past men who’ve let you down in order to not be skeptical…

Which means having compassion for dudes, and humans in general…

Which means being open to a fun conversation even if he’s not your King.

Flirting is about feeling good in the moment, in the presence of another person, with playful interactions between the two of you.

If you feel like dating has become a job, you might have forgotten about the creativity of flirting.

You never know what is going to happen.

Xoxo, Violet

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